Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Bad

My Bad.
Those two words strung together are among my favorites.
Why? Because they imply accountability, responsibility, owning up.

I respect a person who can admit a wrong.
It's hard.
I hate making mistakes, they bug me.
But I have found that mistakes are often our best teachers.
The lessons are in what you choose to do with a mistake.

Today was a rough day at our house.
We had a few Our Bads.
Definitely no fun, but a life lesson none the less.

To frame this story up, I need to give a little background on our family.
We are rule abiders by nature, all of us. I don't say that to boast, it really is just the way we're wired.

When Mark was first called as a Bishop, he came close to memorizing the handbook. He would fall asleep with it almost every night for the first few months. In his years serving in the stake, he has earned a solid reputation of "going by the book". People joke about his commitment to the rules and guidelines. He will not go against them.

I'm the same way. When I was a kid I would stress for a few days before my library books were due. Oh the horror of not turning a library book in on time!
I drive the speed limit.
I pay bills early.
I return phone calls.
I would never dream of parking in a handicapped spot, even for a second.
And I think I would be mortified if I ever violated a home owner's covenant.

Lincoln and Rachel are products of their parents. They have never been in trouble at school. Neither one of them has ever had a B and I can't think of a time they have not had straight honors on citizenship. They have earned many awards for citizenship and leadership because of their rule abiding natures.

It's not just school- the other day I filled a prescription for Linc and later that day Rachel reviewed with me the side effects and dosage instructions. She had read all the information that the pharmacist had enclosed.

We really are a pretty law abiding bunch and that is why what I am about to tell you is so out of the ordinary for us.

Last week, the twins came home and announced that they would both like to run for senate at their school. They brought home the paperwork after school and I read it over.

The rules I remember stated that you could not hand out fliers, wear t-shirts promoting yourself or hand out stickers. Each student could have two posters and one page to state what they would do to improve the school.

And the most important thing in my mind: you couldn't spend over 15.00.

Saturday afternoon we picked up the poster supplies. We carefully tallied the costs. I got a few pictures at Costco and we were still way under budget so while I was there I grabbed a bag of cheap candy for them to write their names on and give out.

Sunday after church, we sat down and pounded out their posters. That was A LOT of work!
We busily cut and glued and cut and glued and cut and glued.
Four posters and one blister later, we finished.

Yesterday I heard the twins calling some of their friends to help them pass out candy at lunch.
Today, they happily headed out the door with posters and candy in hand.

At lunch they were talking to kids and passing out candy when someone said,
" I don't think you're supposed to do that".

They were both a little startled. They looked around and noticed that no one else was giving out candy so they put it away.

Later that afternoon, the advisor approached Rachel and asked her if she and Lincoln had been passing out candy at lunch.

Rach answered that they had.
The teacher, in her gentlest way told Rach that passing out candy was against the rules. She said that a mom of another child had called her and said,
"The twins were passing out candy at lunch so is it ok for my child to as well?"
(Translation: Lincoln and Rachel were breaking rules)

"I'm sorry but I am going to have to disqualify you and your brother," Mrs. Garcia said.

Rach was stunned.

So this afternoon they sadly packed up their posters and came home.
There were a few tears and a couple of devastated faces.
Deep disappointment has been the mood around here.

There it was, written on bright orange paper, NO Handouts.
We all must have read it but none of us processed it.
I was so hung up on not exceeding the 15.00 budget, that's all I really had on my mind.

It was not intentional.
We were not trying to pull a fast one.
But none of that matters, because at the end of the day, we were wrong.
We should have read and re-read the rules.
There is no one to blame but us.

Our bad.
Plain and simple.

Lincoln and Rachel have handled this with such dignity and maturity.
Rach wrote a letter to the teacher involved apologizing for their error and telling her that next time they will read the rules better.

Linc said that he is just going to pick a couple of his friends to really campaign for. He wants to do all he can to help them win.

We counted up the candy that was left in the bag.
They passed out a total of 25 pieces.

25 little pieces of candy.

Probably not enough to sway an election.
But way more than enough to learn a lesson.

My bad.
Two words that sting.
Two words that are part of life.

Two tough words that can help us grow and do better next time.
And next time, we will.


Monday, August 23, 2010

The Bitter and the Sweet



I am alive and breathing ....... barely.
My twins went off to that great and spacious building AKA Jr. High yesterday and I lived to tell the tale.

Remember the sad situation I put myself in when they went to 5th grade?
Letting them go to 5th grade nearly drove me nutty so you can imagine how yesterday went.

I had a picture in my mind of walking them to school and then walking them home.
After all, I've walked them to and from elementary school dozens and dozens and dozens of times. In the afternoons I would often pack a bag
of otter pops or chocolate chip cookies to share with the crew of kids who decided to join us. Those are some of my favorite memories, some of our best talks.

Shockingly, the twins politely declined my offer.

When I insisted that it would be fun, they called in reinforcements.
Their friends ganged up on me, Mark got suckered, my own sister agreed with them and even Always On My Side Roni had to gently put me in my rightful place.

I guess it's not a great idea to walk 7th graders to and from school....

Sigh.

So I moved to plan B. I mentioned showing up to innocently and in a very discreet way, snap a couple of pictures of them in front of their lockers.

They not so politely said no way.

Double sigh.

All I could do was hug and kiss them and wave a tearful goodbye.

Triple sigh plus three large sniffs.

To save my sanity, I carefully planned out the day's events.
I kept hair cuts and shopping sprees off my list and added volunteering at the Food Bank and scrubbing the kitchen floor-- just to keep things in perspective.

I have a love / hate relationship with this whole "kids growing up" business.
I hate leaving behind the things that cause a mother's heart to swell. Like shoes with the lights in them, speech impediments, missing teeth, the magic that comes with learning to read.

Yet, I love watching them become their own people. I love the conversations we have about first crushes, watching them try new things and just their excitement for life.

I hate the thought that they will be exposed to the things of the world, but I know that learning by their own experience is a necessary part of growing.

This milestone is bitter and sweet all rolled into one.

So, today I let them go ahead and venture over to that great and spacious building for day #2.

It's hard.
I miss them.
The clock is ticking extra slow.

I am fighting the urge to so something crazy with my hair or book a sudden trip to Disneyland.
Mark has been warned that for the next week or so I cannot be held 100% responsible for any rash decisions.

Maybe today I will just enjoy every minute with my two year old. We can hang out in the toddler section of the library. We'll pick up a Happy Meal and stop at the playground on the way home. I'll probably give her about a million kisses and remind her to stay little.

Most of all, I'll look heavenward a whisper a little prayer of thanks, that I'm 10 happy years away from sending her to jr. high.