Confessions of a Suburban Housewife

My name is Kimberly. K-I-M-B-E-R-L-Y.

I have a problem.

I am developing a crush on a 17 year old blood sucker named Edward.

It's not actually my fault. I resisted the urge to join in the mania that is Twilight.

I admit to rolling my snobby eyes at moms everywhere in their I heart Edward tee shirts.

Teen fiction? Really? This is what I said to myself.

No thanks. I'm kind of above that. I answered back.

This was my view and I was sticking. to. it.

....Until last week.

All the girls in my family received a VIP invitation to a Twilight party. When you have a dad who is the father of five daughters and grandfather of nine granddaughters, he gets girl stuff.

My dad, with a little help from mom, will be hosting all of us tomorrow night.

Since I refuse to see a movie before I have read the book, I succumbed.

And now, I have joined the ranks of housewives everywhere who sit around in pajamas mindlessly reading while dishes set in the sink, laundry piles up, dental appointments go forgotten and dinners go unmade.

I won't even elaborate on the poor, neglected husband who was chastised last night for trying to fall asleep when I was in the middle of a scary part.

Oh Edward, Edward. Your ice cold grasp has sucked me in.

It's embarrassing. It's juvenile. Pathetic, I know.

I can't help it.

I heart Edward too.

Let the Cleaning Begin!

Well, it's that time of year again!

Pull out the brooms, buckets, rubber gloves, paper towels and the complete arsenal of cleaning supplies.

Spring cleaning around here begins today. This is something I look forward to, I know that sounds nutty.

There is just something so rewarding about cob web removal.
The whole idea sends a thrill right through me.

Plus the fact that I will get to use my favorite Christmas gift of 2008-

Yes, that's right! I am the proud owner of a Little Giant. While many women request gifts of clothing, perfume or jewelry, all I have wanted for a very long time is this amazing orange A-frame.


In my experience, spring cleaning requires a carefully planned course of action. Room by room is my preferred method. I impose a strict rule on myself that I must completely finish the room I started in before I move on to the next.

I also like to visit cleaning websites and talk to friends to get new and useful cleaning tips. If you have any please let me know.

So, here's to:

decluttering
dejunking

organizing
polishing

and scrubbing!

Let the cleaning begin!

Words to Live By

A friend gave this poem to me when the twins were babies.

Once in a while I pull it out to remind what is most important.

To My Child

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us both to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so that you can have both toys.

Just for this evening I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening I will snuggle beside you for hours and miss my favorite tv shows.

Just for this evening, when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

And when I kiss you goodnight, I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then that I will thank God for you.

Special thanks to two amazing people, Gracie and Emilee.

Although I never had the opportunity to meet either one of them, they have touched my life and taught me much.

(Google will redirect you to their blogs by clicking on their names)

If You Give A Toddler A Piece of Chocolate Cake

(Loosely based on one of my favorite children's books, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.

Unfortunately, the following account is true, accurate and completely non-fiction.)

If you give a toddler a piece of chocolate cake, she is going to want a cup of milk to go with it.

When you notice how tasty her cake and milk look, you will slice your self a piece of cake and pour yourself a cup of milk too.

By the time she finishes her cake and milk there will be a huge mess.

You will have to get her in the bathtub to get clean.

While she is in the bath, she will notice her new favorite thing: her belly button.

"Bee Bup!" "Bee Bup!" she will shout excitedly.

Next she will want to see your belly button.

You can try to distract her with tub toys but it probably won't work.

Sooner or later you will have to show her your belly button.

Sorry, picture not available.

When you show her your belly button, she will clap and giggle.

This will cause you to feel slightly self conscious.

You will turn around and look at your own belly button in the mirror.

To your horror, you notice a small roll of flab surrounding the area in question.

Your heart may start to beat a little faster as you walk anxiously toward the scales.

You courageously step on the scale only to discover that somewhere over the last three months you have gained seven pounds.

Right then and there you vow to never eat anything sweet or chocolaty again.

You dust off your running shoes.

You retrieve your ipod from your son's room.

You pack the toddler into the jog stroller.

You step outside and start running. The air burns your lungs, your legs want to revolt but you push forward. Between gasps you curse the person who invented chocolate cake.

After your run, you feel better.

You're glad this problem was called to your attention.

You enter the house with renewed will power.

All this fuss has made your toddler hungry.

She will point to the last peice of chocolate cake.

"Mmmm" "Peez" she will say to you in her sweetest voice.

DO NOT GIVE IN to her pleas.

Toddlers are cute, they are made that way on purpose. However, you must not allow yourself to be manipulated by a silly, 12 toothed smile.

Because, if you give her a piece of chocolate cake, she is going to want a cup of milk to go with it. And chances are...

you might just join her.