Last spring I attended the funeral of a wonderful woman.
Her name was Ruth.
We met Ruth and her husband Bruce when we were building homes in our neighborhood about 11 years ago.
Ruth was a seasoned homemaker, gardener and grandmother.
I was a clueless new mom. I barely knew how to sew a button and I had never canned a peach or baked a loaf of bread. (Still haven't baked a successful loaf of bread, sigh.)
Despite the differences in our ages, abilities and stages of life, we became fast friends.
Although I don't have a lot of visible talents, I am pretty good at watching and learning from people I admire. Ruth was one of those people.
Her home was immaculate, her yard was beautiful, you name it and she could sew it. Plus, she was an AMAZING cook.
I sat there at her funeral, reflecting on the things I had learned from Ruth, feeling sad that I wouldn't have the opportunity to learn more from such a remarkable woman.
Then her son shared a few memories of her and in those moments, I learned an invaluable lesson.
He told us about the summer he really learned to work.
He said that he and his siblings always had assigned chores from the time they were small. When they were little, they could get away with a few lumps in their efforts to make a bed. They weren't expected to do a perfect job when they vacuumed or swept the floor as long as they made a good effort.
Then when he was around the age of twelve, things changed. When school got out for the summer, Ruth came to him and said that he was growing up and she expected him to rise to a new standard.
She told him that she would be inspecting his work after each job was completed and if it didn't meet her expectations, he would need to do it again.
He said it was a painful summer. She held him to it.
Sometimes weeding the strawberry patch took two, three, even four attempts.
Other times, he would try to sneak something by her just to see if she would catch it...
she would.
But by summer's end, he knew how to do more than just complete a chore, he knew how to work.
He had learned how to do a job right and take pride in doing it well.
And guess what? 25 years later those habits and work ethic have stayed with him.
His words struck me.
I believe in giving kids chores.
I believe in work before play.
What I am not so good at is making them do a thorough job.
I've been known to let a mid range effort pass and then come behind them to get things to my level of clean. It's just easier that way sometimes.
But let's be real, where's the lesson in that?
I knew it was time to set a higher standard around here.
So when school got out for the summer, I sat the twins down and introduced them to the
"Ruth Horne Principle".
The first day wasn't pretty.
Chores that should have taken two hours dragged on for nearly six hours! I felt like a grumpy warden. Lincoln felt like a picked on prisoner. There were times in those first couple of weeks when it would have been so much easier to just do it myself or let a half done job pass.
But then I would think of Ruth.
I could almost hear her telling me to be consistent and firm. I would switch back to my following them around with a clipboard mentality.
By the end of week #2 they were getting the hang of it and by week #4, a good, thorough job was becoming the norm.
Yards (ours plus Grandma's & Grandpa's) were mowed on Tuesdays and Fridays. Kitchen duty automatically included sweeping the floor and no streaks were allowed on any mirror or faucet. Oh, and they learned that the vacuum comes with attachments for a reason.
My corrections became fewer and fewer. If their quality of work fell a little short I would just say, "Sorry, I don't think Ruth would approve". Sometimes they would roll their eyes but I assured them that this is for their good and that someday they will thank me.
Granted, it may well be at my funeral, but they will thank me.
As the summer has come to a close, I can see the benefits of all that effort.
Even Samantha has assigned chores. There is a certain satisfaction that comes from doing something well, even if it is cleaning a bathroom.
The Ruth Horne Principle is definitely staying.
Someday I hope to catch up to Ruth in that great strawberry patch in the sky.
Maybe I'll bring a loaf of freshly baked bread to go with her jam.
I'll give her a hug and tell her about that summer in 2010 and how her wisdom helped me be a better mom.
Until then, thanks Ruth.
