Monday, March 9, 2009

If You Give A Toddler A Piece of Chocolate Cake

(Loosely based on one of my favorite children's books, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.
Unfortunately, the following account is true, accurate and completely non-fiction.)

If you give a toddler a piece of chocolate cake, she is going to want a cup of milk to go with it.
When you notice how tasty her cake and milk look, you will slice your self a piece of cake and pour yourself a cup of milk too.

By the time she finishes her cake and milk there will be a huge mess.



You will have to get her in the bathtub to get clean.

While she is in the bath, she will notice her new favorite thing: her belly button.

"Bee Bup!" "Bee Bup!" she will shout excitedly.


Next she will want to see your belly button.

You can try to distract her with tub toys but it probably won't work.

Sooner or later you will have to show her your belly button.



Sorry, picture not available.


When you show her your belly button, she will clap and giggle.

This will cause you to feel slightly self conscious.

You will turn around and look at your own belly button in the mirror.

To your horror, you notice a small roll of flab surrounding the area in question.


Your heart may start to beat a little faster as you walk anxiously toward the scales.
You courageously step on the scale only to discover that somewhere over the last three months you have gained seven pounds.

Right then and there you vow to never eat anything sweet or chocolaty again.

You dust off your running shoes.
You retrieve your ipod from your son's room.
You pack the toddler into the jog stroller.



You step outside and start running. The air burns your lungs, your legs want to revolt but you push forward. Between gasps you curse the person who invented chocolate cake.

After your run, you feel better.
You're glad this problem was called to your attention.
You enter the house with renewed will power.

All this fuss has made your toddler hungry.
She will point to the last peice of chocolate cake.

"Mmmm" "Peez" she will say to you in her sweetest voice.

DO NOT GIVE IN to her pleas.

Toddlers are cute, they are made that way on purpose. However, you must not allow yourself to be manipulated by a silly, 12 toothed smile.


Because, if you give her a piece of chocolate cake, she is going to want a cup of milk to go with it. And chances are...

you might just join her.

12 comments:

wylie said...

That was classic Kimberly!

Shirlene said...

Loved it Kimberly! You're such a creative writer. You should write some books......I'm serious!

Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, that was darling! I loved it! I hope I didn't offend you with my last blog entry....my husband made me do it! :) (yea, he's going to love that I said that). Except I probably won't tell him.

Jenny said...

There's just something about chocolate cake that is hard to resist! What a cute post. You still look great to me!

Scarehaircare said...

Too bad , no pics. I'll bet your bee-bup is cute, too! (sorry, couldn't resist)

Today, I just had my first run in ages. IT felt good to be out but not to run. Time to get back into it.

Terry said...

You....fat bee bup? Whatever!

Christie said...

Oh. My. Gosh!
You make me laugh so hard! At least you can find your bee-bup. I haven't seen mine for, well, a long time....

Melissa said...

Hey, I was just going to tell you that the variation for that recipe is to use 1/2 cup crushed graham crackers instead of the walnuts. You can also substitute butterschotch pudding for chocolate, and still use the vanilla. So if you have the crackers, give it a go. I really was worried about posting that one, but I hope people just saw the humor in it. I have heard that the recipe is really tasty.

Melissa said...

Also a favorite book at our house! I love it! This is the cutest post!
Sami is so sweet and looks darling in chocolate!

Sarah said...

That was the best, not only because of the creative writing but because I totally identified with it!

Aimee said...

At least you don't look seven pounds heavier!

Julie Jones said...

Have you ever tried chocoate cake in milk? It has to be chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Put it in a bowl with cold milk, it is the best! The milk acts like a sponge, it doesnt get soggy, it is my favorite way to eat chocolate cake.
(Sorry, that wasn't very supportive)