Dads and Daughters

I have a question....
What is the deal with daughters and their complete devotion to their dads?

Since the very day that Rachel was born she has been a daddy's girl.

When the twins were four months old Mark had to spend the week in Boston on a business trip. We dropped him off at the airport and the moment he got out of the car she started to cry.

The crying continued on and on, day after day.

I took her to the doctor. No ear infection, no fever, nothing wrong.
The crying continued. By day three Lincoln and I were both on the edge.

My neighbor came over and took the babies to her house one afternoon so that I could sleep. It was pretty much the longest week of my life.

Finally it was time to pick up Mark from the airport. Rachel screamed all the way there. Exhausted and exasperated I pulled up to the curb to help Mark load his bags.

He peeked inside the car. The moment Rachel saw him, the crying ceased. Instantly, immediately- no more crying.

Ten years later nothing has really changed. She cries when he goes out of town, she will stay awake waiting for him if he has a late night at church or work. He probably has enough love notes and pictures to fill a trunk.

Just about every day she tells him how handsome he is. She is fiercely protective of him. Don't even try to correct him, even if you say it in a friendly way, she will rush to his defense. Mark just smiles and gives me a wink.

She makes sure that her dad is always taken care of. She is in love with him. She truly, completely, whole heartedly adores him and I can't really blame her.

When we found out that we were expecting Samantha, Mark confessed that he would like another daughter. He cheered when we knew a little girl was on the way.

"Not all daughters are like Rachel", I warned.
"This type of devotion is rare".

Samantha is nearing one year old and guess what?

She cries when Mark leaves. During the day she crawls over to the garage door and bangs on it saying "Da-eee, Da-eee". She cuddles him, kisses him and gives him loves.

I see it, I know what's coming.
Rachel Jr, that's what.

My best friend Kirsten reassures me that her daughter is the same way. I've seen my friend Julie's daughters with their dad.

Mark is quick to remind me that me and my four sisters think that our dad is the smartest man on earth. Definitely smarter than our five husbands combined.

"That's different" I argue. "Our dad really is that smart!"

Apparently, this is not new or unique.

Don't get me wrong, I am not really complaining.
Just a simple question......

What is it with daughters and their dads?

Conversations With My Ten Year Old Daughter

Yesterday, after school....

Rach: Mom, I think someone is going to ask me to go out with him.

Me: Choke, gasp. WHAT? You mean like a boy?

Rach: Yes, Mom. (roll eyes, shake head slightly)

Me: WHO??

Rach: Jacob. (name has been changed to protect the not so innocent)

Me: Jacob? I thought he liked Daniella.

Rach: He did last week, but they broke up.

Me: (Holding back what I would like to say and instead saying)
Hmmmm what are you going to say to Jacob?

Rach: Mommmmm of course I am going to tell him, Thank you for asking, but I can't date until I am sixteen.

Me: You mean six-ty.

Writings By Rachel

For our primary program at church, Rachel was asked to share some things that she has learned by watching her grandparents serve a mission.

She stayed up late Saturday night writing this sweet poem:

I Love My Grandma & Grandpa

When I see the photos, I think of lovingness,
The great example set for me to always do my best.

Grandma and Grandpa do that, I always count on them,
to follow in their footsteps and think of Christ again.

Now they're on a mission, doing great things there.
They are a little home sick but being in great care.

They've helped to save the babies, they've helped the blind to see.
Clean water for the moms and dads and kids like you and me.

They love the people of Africa, life's lessons they've learned there.
How to work and how to love, Christ's message they did share.

They'll be home in November, they're ready to come home.
We'll throw a celebration for their hard working zone.

Rachel, age 10
September 14, 2008

17 Years, 17 Things I've Learned

After seventeen happily married years, I've learned a few things that I would like to pass on to those newlyweds just starting out:

1. A tiny apartment is a very good thing.

2. It's ok to be broke when you are blissfully in love.

3.Start out with a double bed. You will quickly learn how to sleep curled up in each other's arms. Seventeen years later you will still sleep that way.

4. Don't get your feelings hurt if he doesn't like what you cooked. Most of the time he will eat it anyway and he will appreciate your efforts.

5. When you build your first home, make sure they frame it around the 4th of July. This will allow you to climb up on to the second floor and watch the fireworks. You will always remember that moment.

6. If you decide to drive all night to Las Vegas, PLEASE stop in St. George for gas. Running out of gas at 2:00 am in the middle of the desert is not a great idea.

7. Wait a little while before you have kids. Enjoy each other.

8. When the nurse calls to say that the pregnancy test is positive, sit down on the kitchen floor and cry tears of joy together.

9. Get a dog. Preferably a black pit bull.

10. Read scriptures and pray together each and every day. Something will feel different if you miss, so make it a priority.

11. When you get frustrated, do not raise your voice or say anything unkind. Learn how to work things out without being hurtful.

12. If you happen to marry a "saver" type, just go along with it. The day will come when you will be glad he is that way.

13. Forgive the fact that you will be picking up his socks every day for the rest of your life. He in turn will forgive you for backing his car into a pole, throwing out his favorite basketball shoes and turning his white clothes pink on occasion.

14. Learn to like basketball, baseball and golf. It is ok to draw the line when it comes to football.

15. Kiss and hug him in front of the kids. Tell them how great their dad is.

16. Support him in the things he likes to do, especially golfing with his buddies. He will make sure you get regular pedicures and nights out with your girlfriends.

17. Make it a point to thank him for the life you have together. Tell him that you think a little gray hair is very sexy, that you love his blue eyes and sweet smile. Make sure he knows that you appreciate how hard he works, what a great dad he is and that he is your favorite. person. ever.

When Grandma Was A Little Girl

This is a precious song written by my sweet sister in law, Carrie. It was inspired by this picture of Grandma Sanders with her brother and younger sister.

My sister Amy came over tonight and I played it for her, she cried.

Carrie thinks it is not good enough to submit to the Friend.

Read the words and then click on the video below to see great granddaughters sing it. I think you will agree that Carrie should send it in!

When Grandma Was A Little Girl

When Grandma was a little girl

In her black patent shoes and white ribboned curls,
Did she laugh, did she cry, did she ask her mother why
And in her dreams did she see a little girl like me?
When Grandma was a little girl.

I've heard Grandma's stories as I've sat on her knee
Of her family and friends and how things used to be.
But one thing has never changed, one way she's just like me,
She learned about God's light and how to choose the right,
When Grandma was a little girl.

Of all the pictures in my family history,
There's one that's my favorite, the best of all to see.
Grandma as a little girl, with her white ribboned curls.
In the photograph I see that she smiles just like me,
My Grandma as a little girl.

Thanks Grandma

This week has been a special and tender time at our house. Over the past eight months or so we have become very close to Mark's grandmother, Grandma Sanders.

Last fall, she was no longer able to care for herself so she moved to an assisted living center just down the road from us.

With Mark's parents serving a mission in Africa, I'm ashamed to admit that initially I felt obligated to visit Grandma in their place. I feel bad that I lacked the humility and maturity to understand the true measure of her goodness and the life lessons she was ready to teach me.

A few visits was all it took to change obligation to privilege. My reasons for visiting became personal, almost selfish. There was so much to learn from her, so much to gain.

There were times when the whole family went to visit. Those were great, but my favorite moments seemed to come when it was just Grandma and me. I marveled at her.

She never stopped working, she never stopped serving.

When residents at the home would gather for meals, Grandma would often wait for them to finish and then she would clear and wipe down the tables. The staff told her she didn't have to clean but she insisted. The will to work was just in her.

Other times I would arrive to find her sweetly pushing someone's wheelchair. She would smile and wave hello to people as they passed.

We talked, we laughed, sometimes we cried. But I always felt that I had gained something from time spent with her.

In mid July, things started to change and Grandma's health declined. Her words became more slurred and jumbled. She became increasingly confused and unsteady on her feet. She no longer seemed to recognize anyone.

Last Tuesday I went to see her. She was asleep in a chair and I couldn't wake her. I came back a few hours later and she was still sleeping. I finally woke her up but I could tell in her eyes that something was wrong. When she would not eat lunch or take her medication, I became worried. I called Mark's sister Christie to come over and then I knelt down on the floor next to Grandma and wept.

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I begged her to eat. Gently Grandma touched my cheek and in a rare moment of perfect clarity she said tenderly, "You are my sweetheart". That was the last coherent thing I heard her say.

By Friday we accepted the fact that Grandma was dying. Marilyn agonized over the decision to leave Africa. After much prayer, she decided that Grandma would want her to finish her work in the Congo. We could see the heartache in her eyes as we talked to her via webcam.

Mark and I prayed for strength and inspiration to know how we could help. The answer came simply that we should ask permission to bring Grandma to our home. Mark's Uncle Kevin has lovingly been by Grandma's side continually throughout this past year. He graciously accepted our offer and on Sunday morning hospice transported Grandma to our home.

We had a computer in her room. Mark's parents were able to see her and speak to her over the internet. Although she was sleeping, I know she could hear their voices and feel their love.

Grandma had two days of constant visitors. Her Sons Kevin and Steven rarely left her. Grandchildren streamed in by the dozens. Friends and other relatives filled our house and with them came a feeling of deep love and peace.

I watched Mark's twin sisters Carrie and Christie hold Grandma's hands through the night, they looked like ministering angels. Our brother Nate refused to sleep so that he could stay by Grandma's side. Our sister, Tiffany brought her violin and played beautiful hymns for her. Mark and his siblings gathered around Grandma and talked about childhood memories and lessons they had learned from her life.

There was such a beautiful feeling in our house. One of my neighbors who stopped by to check on us said she felt a special feeling as she walked up to the door.

Monday night Christie, Tiffany and me were up late sitting with Grandma. Marilyn called on the computer. She told us that she had a feeling that she should stay home from her meetings. She asked us to keep her on the line.

One by one Tiffany, Christie, Mark and I all went to bed.

In the quiet hours of early morning it was just Nate and Grandma with Marilyn connected via skype. Around 3:00 am Grandma peacefully passed away. Through the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven, prayers were answered as Marilyn was right there to see her mother out of this world and in to the next life.

I am so grateful for this experience. I am the one who benefited. Lincoln and Rachel have had life lessons imprinted in their hearts. Mark and I have been witnesses to a series of small miracles. We have felt the love of Jesus Christ surrounding us.

I know that I will see Grandma again, and in the heavenly scheme of things we will both be young. I have a feeling that we will be great friends. When that day comes, I will have the chance to thank her for enriching my life and giving me the opportunity to grow.

Thanks Grandma